Of All Things
by Abigail Clairewaters
Summary: Remembers in the comic sketch with David Tennant and Catherine Tate, the Doctor was pretending to an English teacher right? But, why? And secondly, what was he doing there?
1. Prologue

Author's Note: It's been nearly two years since I first published the first version of "Of All Things" on Fanfiction – and even then it wasn't finished. So I've decided to try this over again; and hopefully I'll get this finished this time. :P

Summary: Remembers in the comic sketch with David Tennant and Catherine Tate, the Doctor was pretending to an English teacher right? But, why? And secondly, what was he doing there?

Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who, Lauren Cooper, or anything to do with the BBC.

Of All Things

Prologue: Stuff Happens

"THAT IS THE LAST TIME I'M GOING TO LISTEN TO YOU!" screamed Martha Jones as she hurled a book at the Doctor, which barely missed him by a millimetre.

"Ok, I'm admit that taking the shortcut was a bad idea, but -!"

"No buts! I had to spend about a whole night in a cage full of stinkin' pigs! And on top of that, my mum's going to kill me for ruinin' my new jacket!" she glared at him and sat down on the couch in the TARDIS' control room. The Doctor stared warily at his companion from the other side of the room.

_What happened earlier…_

"Oh, come on Martha. It'll be fun," grinned the Doctor, happily. He had decided that the two would do something relaxing as a change from the constant running and adrenalin rushes. So he brought them back to Earth for a little stroll in the countryside; the countryside of 1785 to be more exact. What they found was a village in the middle of no where; even the Doctor couldn't figure out where they were.

"I don't know Doctor; this place seems a little deserted…"her eyes darted from house to house.

"Well…I'm guessing that they must be at church right…" the Doctor scratched his head. He looked around until he spotted what he was looking for. "A-ha!" he began walking towards what looked like a chapel standing on top a hill, near the village.

"Where are you heading to?" asked Martha. (She obviously hadn't seen the church yet.)The Doctor turned around to face his friend.

"To the church, over there," said the Doctor, gesturing his head towards the building. "Bet you anything that the people of this village are in there… Race you to the top!" And with that, the Doctor started to sprint.

"Always with the running, isn't it…"muttered Martha, as she tried to keep up with the energetic Timelord.

Little did they know, a pair of small glowing eyes watched them raced up the hill from one of the alley ways of the village; licking its' lips with hunger….

_(End of Flashback)_

"Never again," huffed Martha, angrily.

"Well, it couldn't have been that bad…" Martha glared at him when he said that. All he could do was give a small smile. _It was pretty funny though, when I found her covered head to foot with all that mud in the pig pen. _He snickered mentally at the memory.

Martha continued to stare at him for a full minute until finally:

"I want to go home," she said.

The Doctor was dumbstruck. "You ... you want to go home."

Martha eyed him curiously. "Yeah, I want to go home."

"So, you're leaving then?"

"What! No I'm not!"

_Oh, thank Rassilon. _"Umm... Any particular reason why?"

Martha just stared at him.

"What?" said the Doctor, worried that he might have done something wrong again.

_Jees, he can be completely clueless sometimes._ "Look, I just want to go home and rest for a bit; besides, Mum's probably worried sick about me right now and –"

"You don't need to worry about your mother. You should already know by now that we've got all the time in the universe to do whatever we want," said the Doctor, trying to reassure Martha of his capabilities in time travel.

But all she did was stare at him grimly. "Her birthday is coming up soon and I still need to buy her a present."

"Oh… well I guess that would be alright to do then …" replied the Doctor, tugging at his ear. "But don't expect me to do anything domestic," he added quickly. And with that he entered in the coordinates to Earth, year 2007.

_I just hope that I won't be need for the entire time …_ he said to himself.

"That is the last I'm doing that," huffed the Doctor to himself, as he started walking to the TARDIS.

"Doctor!" yelled a voice behind him. The Doctor froze in his tracks, half expecting a broom to come down and start whacking at his head.

"Doctor," repeated the voice, after catching up with him. He had turned around to find Martha standing behind him looking back at him.

"What … what is it Martha?"

"Sorry about Mum… well you know how she's like…"

"No problem, I've had worst situations involving mothers before; so no biggy," grinned the Doctor cheerfully.

"MARTHA JONES, YOU COME BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!" yelled Francine from the door of her house.

The Doctor glanced at Francine who was glaring furiously back.

"I think you should stay here for a while, Martha. Just until your mother cools down," muttered the Timelord, coolly. "She needs you more than me right now."

"You sure about this…?"

"Martha, you're starting to sound like my mother – of course I'm sure about this. Look I'll come back in – oh I don't know – two, three days time to pick you up and we'll go somewhere else," he smiled warmly. And then he looked to the side, staring blankly into space.

"… Fine," murmured Martha. "But you had better come for me as you said."

The Doctor looked back at Martha once more and smiled knowingly. There was an awkward pause.

"Well," sniffed the Doctor. He glanced at the now vacant spot that Francine had once stood in. "I think I'd better go before your mother comes and starts to attack me a broom or something." All Martha did was give a small smile.

"I'll see you around," and with that, the Doctor walked towards the TARDIS, entered it and closed the door behind him.

The TARDIS groaned softly.

"I know, I know," sighed the Doctor, tossing his coat to the side. "I should have left her there in her flat the day after that incident with Lazarus." He frowned. _I hate it when things get complicated._

Suddenly, the TARDIS lurched, tossing the Doctor on to the floor of the control room. The Doctor had barely gotten up when he was thrown into the control panels.

"OY! What's the matter with you?"But the TARDIS at this point was acting completely on its own. The Doctor lunged forward and landed on to the floor with one of his hands on the control panel. The moment he found out where his hand landed, his pupils shrink.

"Oh dear."


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who or Lauren Cooper. Unfortunately….

Chapter 1 : The Usual

"Come on Lauren! You're going to be late for school!"

"Coming, Mum!"

Lauren ran down the stairs, grabbing her school bag at the base of the stairway as she went. Reaching the kitchen, she glanced at the clock before sitting in her usual spot at the table.

"You'd better hurry up and finish eating your breakfast before the bus comes," spoke Mr. Cooper, looking at his daughter warily.

"Yeah Dad," replied Lauren without looking up.

"What's the point of Lauren actually going to school, Dad? She'll probably just agitate the teachers again, like last year," muttered Damian, Lauren's older brother. Lauren glared at him from across the table.

"She has every right to go to school Damian," answered their mother as she handed both her children some toast.

"Yeah, Damian," said Lauren, as she continued to stare sulkingly at her older brother. Her brother retorted by sticking out his tongue at his sister.

"That's enough you two!" barked their father. "Now finish your breakfast right now; or else neither of you are going to be doing anything or than work this weekend."

The room was silent, safe for the scraping of jam on toast and the sound of crunching toast. That is, right up until Damian murmured something along the lines of "spoiled brat".

"Is it just me, or does anyone else think that the door lettin' in a draft," said Lauren, mockingly.

"Come to think of it, yeah I do feel a bit of wind blowing; though I don't think it's the door…"

"You know what, you're right. It isn't coming for the door, it's coming for your mouth." Damian's nose flared.

"THAT'S ENOUGH YOU TWO!" yelled their mother; and as if by fate, the bus could be heard, driving right by the house.

"Oh, well, looks like I've got to go," said Lauren hurriedly. "Bye!" And with that, she ran out of the room and through the front door, leaving her family slightly flabbergasted.

After reaching the bus stop before it left her behind, Lauren was greeted by her friends who were sitting at the back of the bus. "Yeah, Lauren! What's up?" they said to her as the bus began to move again.

"Oh the usual," smirked Lauren.

"Of course,"said Lindsay, the only one of Lauren's friends that was in her English class. "Hey, you wrecken Danter's still there?"

"After what I did to her? Nah. She ain't coming back for a while," smiled Lauren, knowingly.

The journey to school passed relatively normally for Lauren; with the occasional laugh between friends about random strangers walking in the street and their ridiculous clothing; as well as the numerous incidents at school involving a certain someone.

Reaching the school, Lauren and her friends were about to enter the building which they called the good kids version of a prison when something caught Lauren's eyes.

A blue wooden box stood at the edge of the teachers' parking lot.

"What the…" murmured Lauren, as she squinted at the peculiar sight.

"Hey, Lauren you coming?" called one of her friends from inside.

She turned her head towards her comrades and said: "Yeah."

Walking into the school, Lauren looked through the window of the door back at the parking lot. The blue box that once stood at the edge of the lot had now been replaced by a tool shed for the building beside the lot.

Lauren laughed at herself and shook her head. She then started to run towards her friends who were at the other end of the building waiting for her; thinking that today would probably remain as boring as ever, without her intervention of course.

… How very wrong was she.

Reviews are most welcomed. :3


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer— I own: Doctor Who

Lauren Copper

**None of the above.**

* * *

Chapter 3: Cows.

[Insert large groan with a hint of annoyance here.]

Picking himself off the floor, the Doctor stretched out his limbs – making sure that none of them were broken, while ignoring the now throbbing pain in the middle of his forehead.

_Reach up and stretch._ *Crackcrackcrack – pop!*

"Oh that does not sound good…"

He grimaced at the TARDIS console sourly while he rubbed his slightly aching back.

"Probably should have removed it someplace else when I had the chance…" he murmured. Huffing a sigh, the Doctor slouched on top of the crash bench.

He glanced at the exact spot where his hand had landed prior to the sudden shaking. He had completely forgotten about it since the beginning of the Time War; before being called back to Gallifrey, the Doctor had planned on moving the randomizer to a more less-reachable place before especially his companions would "accidentally" hit that button. (How ironic that "accidental situation" was caused by him.)

"Nah, wouldn't have any more fun that way if I did…" He leaned back and stared blankly at the ceiling for a bit, before closing his eyes. Seconds passed – soon turning into minutes, while the Doctor sat there, lost in the mass collectivity of his thoughts.

Until the TARDIS decided to burst his bubble.

"Oh haha, very funny," the Doctor said aloud, eyeing the center column thoughtfully.

"So," he exclaimed. The Doctor jumped off the bench, as if his troubles had not existed at all.

"Why don't we go somewhere fun. Let's see… somewhere fun… Oh I know. Trois-Rivières, Québec—always wanted to do some skiing over there. All that snow, pine trees and maple syrup… Visiting the sugar shack sounds nice… Oooor Napaulshire – exploration of the caverns and catacombs sounds like fun. What do you say?" he said while giving the edge of the console a small pat.

There a groan in response.

"What! What do you mean that you can't dematerialize? … No, that's not possible, it says right here on the monitor that you've got plenty of Huon particles left to run on – more than fifty two hundred point eighty four hundred and sixteen trillion as a matter of fact! …

"Oh come old girl, quit being stubborn. … No I don't want stay. I – … Of course not! I don't hate Martha, I just a break; I can't babysit her all the time …? What gave you that idea! … Of course I miss her! She –! … What do you mean by thick headed! … That's why I need a break! … Noooo. … What! No! …? I DON'T HAVE ANGER ISSUES! …? WHY ON EARTH WOULD I HAVE A COW?"

The Doctor kicked the bottom of the console in frustration, causing some sparks to spew out. Within a millisecond later, a loud bellowing noise rang out and shook the entire room.

The moment after making a mad dash out the door, the Doctor slammed it close behind him and kicked the old police box out of spit.

"Dumb old piece of junk. Oh blast – I'm definitely going to have a headache tomor—ick!" The TARDIS had mentally sent a static jolt, making things just a tad worse.

Anyone passing by would have found it odd to see a police box from the sixties placed randomly in a school parking lot; and a random stranger yelling at it at the top of his lungs made the scenery even more bizarre. One would think that he was drunk or something … at six thirty in the morning.

"Fine! You win! I'm GOING!"

The top light flickered in content.

"Stupid hunk of metal," grumbled the Doctor. "It's not like the Daleks or the Sliurians are running about – in fact I wouldn't be too surprise if it was just another Nethicorn landing in the middle of a farmer's field again … ah, well that's new."

Furrowing his brows, the Doctor slowly made his way towards the school – narrowly missing the passing car as he crossed the street.

"Right… just as I thought." An all too familiar smile crept slowly upon his face. "Now this is going to be interesting."

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Please review. :)


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